The worst birthday of my LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

December 9, 2014 the worst birthday of my life.  It started with waking up at 530 like usual for school and i went upstairs to be surprised by my family up and dressed with a cake in their hands and ready to sing happy birthday when my dads hospital called my mom saying that Steve was having problems breathing and she needed to get down there quickly. So my mom left me in charge of getting everyone on their bus while she took the baby and rushed to my dad. All  i wanted to do was go with her and make sure my dad was okay. After Ryans bus got there and Megan and i were waiting for our bus, i got on Skye to talk to and see my dad. Well it took maybe two rings for them to answer but the one who answered wasn't my mom or dad. It was Daniel (my dads favorite nurse) when i saw him answer i was over confused and had no clue what to make up of the situation. I asked Daniel wheres my dad. I was in complete tears he could barely understand me and then all of a sudden he put my dad on and my dads words to me were.... "Hey sweetheart i love you so much. I am so sorry this happened today. I hope you have an amazing birthday just do me one favor. Don't think about how much pain or how bad i am hurting at all today. Thank you for not saying anything because you say it best when you don't say anything at all." I had to interrupt him right there because my bus was at my house. I got on the bus just in complete tears. My bus driver asked if i was okay and then said happy birthday. I told her yes im fine and thanks. I went most of the bus ride just in tears until we got to Jessas house and she saw that i was crying and she is the type of person who won't let you cry without trying to help cheer you up. So she did everything she could think of and nothing worked i was still in tears until she brought up the one person that she knew would make me happy just by talking about him. That person is Danny. I may have been dating Jonny but its like no matter what Danny always came before Jonny. 

The impact my dads injury has on me.

My dad was an amazing dad. Like yea he was never home because he was always over the road, with the family semi business Real Jewel Trucking, he would do anything and everything to be sure he was home for the holidays and birthdays.When he finally came home and we were told he was home to stay, we all had the time of our lives together and filling my dad in on everything he missed while he was away. I hated school when my dad came home because it meant i had less time to talk to him about all i wanted to say. I was in 6th grade when he came home to stay, so of course with it being Middle School i had to go. It was a day in September when all of this happened, i had the best day until i got on the bus. When i got on the bus my sister and brother were not on, which worried me because being the oldest i am in charge of them. I spent the whole bus ride just worried and trying to figure out where they were. When the bus finally got to my house everyone (my sisters Ashleigh, and Megan, my brother Ryan, and my mom) was waiting for me. The first question was wheres Rowdy and wheres Dad. Rowdy is one of the horses my dad was working on training. There were seven horses he was training Maddie, Rowdy, Max, Uno, Lover, White Sox, and Tinker. What the owners did was put a saddle on the horse and if it acted up they put it in the pasture and left them so my dad had to start from scratch training them. Rowdy was the baby of them all, but he was the most well-behaved and my favorite. My dad had rode Rowdy a million times before today which is why i was so confused. Hold on a second i am getting ahead of myself. So my grandfather was coming by to see the horses and my dad was going to show him Rowdy and how well-behaved he was. Well when my dad got on Rowdy he did what he usually does which is just sit there and relaxed waiting on my dad to get comfortable. Well like i said my dad has rode him a million times. This time was different though, the ride started out fine and they were on the same route my dad takes them all and somehow this one time a large piece of barb wire was in the middle of the path. My dad saw it last second and Rowdy was already bucking. What i was told by my mom and grandfather (both who were there to see it happen) was that he was thrown at least 6 feet in the air and when he came down he slid across those really sharp black rocks and then landed on his neck breaking his C3 vertebra. He would have been perfectly fine with just a broken neck but because he had metal rods in his back from breaking his back at the age of 15 he became Quadriplegic (paralyzed from the chest down). How that happened was when he landed and slid one of the rods was moved and went into his neck and with that it broke his C3 vertebra. More of what had happened that i was told was that my grandfather (my dads dad) had to listen and watch his son almost die in our yard while waiting for Flight For Life to get to the house. The words my dad said were....
"If i die tell my kids i love them and be sure the baby is safe(my mom found out she was pregnant two weeks before this all happened)  i don't give a crap what Kim says just be sure my kids and her have everything they need."

My grandfather replied with "you won't die as long as i am here. I will not let my grand kids be fatherless. They all need you. Amanda will go crazy without you, she depends on you for more than anyone. Ashleigh can't live without you, she may be able to handle all the rest of the kids right now but the minute you are gone she is gonna lose it on one of them. Sugar (Bethanie) is just gonna lose everything without you, she needs you more than any of them. She just will freak and become a person nobody wants to be around. She will most likely do what everyone thought she was gonna do when you were over the road Joey, she wanted to kill herself. Ryan just can't handle being without a dad like he already has anger management ADHD and takes it all out on Sugar but you were already helping him stop that and if you die everything will be the way it was before you came home and told them you were going to stay and home and not leave for a while. Megan being only 8 years old won't know what to do without a dad. You are really all these kids got other than Kim. I will not let you die because your family needs you Joey, you will not die. 

 When i found out what had happened the first thing i asked was "so hes gonna be gone for a while AGAIN!? This isn't fair he just got home and this was going to be the first birthday he was actually home for." I was so mad that i didn't say a word to any of my relatives that day and all i did was sit there and stared at my dad being unconscious. I wanted to just burst in tears and make myself unconscious just so my dad wasn't alone. When he finally gained consciousness again it was noon the next day and i wasn't able to see him because i had school and my mom wouldn't let me skip school so that i could be there because we had this test in some class i don't remember. When i got home and heard the news that he was conscious again i made my mom drive me down to the hospital to see him because i just wanted to give him the biggest hug i have ever given. I wanted him to know how happy i was that he was okay and not dead.

Ever since the injury he has been different and it has just never been the same around him. Every year people have asked how am i dealing with things and i tell them i am doing good but to be completely honest that was and always will be a total and complete lie because i have no clue what to do anymore. Just writing this makes me want to cry. I have put aside my dads injury for so long that I just want to die talking about it. If there was a way to back track time to go back and make sure that before i left for school that the path my dads rides on was clear so that none of this happened i would in a heartbeat. I would literally do anything to get my dad back to how he used to be.

The Best Saturday Ever!!!!!!

I woke up this morning knowing if I wanted to go I had to get my butt to work on my chores. It was about 7:35ish and I was just starting and had to be done by noon if i wanted to go to Jacobs birthday party. I was glad to see Emily was already up and willing to help me because she really wanted to go swimming. It took us forever to get Megan up to get her chores done but when we did time just flew by and thankfully right at noon we were completely done. I couldn't wait to see Danny, i also couldn't wait to be at the party. Everyone there knew I had the biggest crush on Danny, even he knew it. Seeing him just made my heart race. So after the swimming was over Jacob asked if i was going over to his house to hang with everyone else. After my mom picked Emily and Megan up she gave me permission to go over to his house. I was so happy to get to spend more time with Danny that i almost forgot what day it was (the day was the anniversary of my dogs death).  I was happy i forgot what day it was though because it gave me the chance to be happy and not worry. When we got there we started playing a game called sardines. While Noah was hiding the rest of us were up against the garage and next thing i knew Danny was handing me his Ipod with a note on it. The note said "do you wanna go out??" My first thought was this must be a joke because i thought he still liked Jessa but i guess i was wrong. So finally i said yes and from that moment on i have not felt the same about anybody. The minute i said yes to him it was like my whole life changed. I stopped thinking about how things with Jonny could have been if i hadn't broken up with him and started to think about how perfect my life would be with Danny. I have liked Danny on and off since 6th grade and now that i finally have the chance to be his i will do everything in my power not to end it. I had never felt this way before, i had no clue what to think or do. With the fact that i had liked Danny on and off since 6th grade i was just SO happy to be with him that i took everything but him off my mind. With only having him on my mind it was like i was in heaven.The last time i remember feeling something like this was when i saw my great grandfather after six months. I seriously never thought I'd feel this way ever again. I was so scared to tell Danny how i felt about all of this and to be honest i still kinda am. I don't want to ruin what me and Danny have like seriously i have have never felt the way i feel about Danny toward any other guy.  In my opinion everything for me has been calmer and less caiotic with being with Danny and i never ever want to lose him to anybody or anything. The only bad thing about my Saturday was that when we decided to tell Jessa she got really mad at me and just started ignoring me and so on Monday i made her talk to me so i could know why she was so mad and what she said was....
"LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"No we are sisters and i want to know why you are mad at me"
"WE ARE NO LONGER SISTERS OR FRIENDS!!!!!!!!!"
I walked away almost ready to kill someone and said fine.Well that was my Saturday hopefully Jessa can forgive me for whatever i did.